The Struggle

 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

 And I will be found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the Lord; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (KJV)

It must be frustrating to God, finally winning a soul into his kingdom and then Satan swoops down trying to take it back. The war between the spiritual worlds, between God and Satan, the believers praying and Satan attacking. It's discouraging at times when all we can feel is the darkness and it closes in so oppressing on us as we struggle to fight it off.

 

The last few days have been a struggle for me. A struggle to remain a follower. I can just feel the draw back, the tempting voice;

"It's too hard it's never going to get easier. Look at what you're being asked to give up, all the fun and pleasure of the world, people, relationships and for what?" 

A couple of nights ago I hit a horrible low, God just seemed to disappear, His silence terrified me, the thought that last summer was going to be repeated and I was going to lose my faith again made me ache. I fought the darkness, screaming at God, 

"No! I won't let You go this time! I won't lose You again, You can't leave me God! Please stay with me!" I begged and cried feeling desperate and lost. 

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

The verse that God has given to me, the promise that when we seek Him with all of our heart, we will find Him. And He's not silent forever. 

Tuesday was a great day, I had coffee with mom, supper with Grandma and then got to see the new movie God's Not Dead in theater with Aaron, Sarah and Carrie, but laying in bed, probably over tired, still discouraged and feeling so alone, I cried out to God, 

"I can't do this anymore! I feel so discouraged, I just want to give up, it's too hard. I'm done trying it's on You." I cried to Him for probably a good hour, just begging Him to be there for me, give me something or someone.

I was exhausted but couldn't sleep, and then my cousin started texting me. We don't talk much and usually it's late at night but she is always a mood lifter and encouraging. Around 12:30 she finally went to bed and I told the other friend I was talking to that I needed sleep. He's always been my 'bestie' we talk quite a bit and are pretty close but rarely share too deeply. We said good night, I turned over exhausted and tried to get comfortable when my phone went off once more, 

"...and hey I just wanna say ur the best friend someone could ask for and I'm glad ur my best friend I love you bestie :) ur awesome..."

I think I almost cried, realizing what God had done. The thing is, this friend and me, we don't usually talk like that, and he could have had no clue how down I was, I had been trying to be positive all day. 

It's amazing how God looks out for us, He stretches us but never breaks us. He knows us each intimately and knows what we can handle. The Christian life may seem all hard, when sometimes He asks us to give up everything, to walk by faith, blindly following Him into the darkness of unknown paths. But with surrender, comes peace and joy, He doesn't ask us to obey to hurt us or make our lives hard, He asks us to give up the world so that we can have something so much better, eternity with Him! The knowing that when this life is over we have Heaven to look forwards to, and that is by far more amazing than anything that we could enjoy on earth.