Sitting through the graduation ceremony for my brother was a mix of being proud of him for not only finishing highschool but graduating from the tech as an honor student as well, and a deep sense of failure. Tears forced their way as I admitted this to mom. I'm so happy for him but it hurts because I feel like I've failed. Where did all my goals and motivation go to? Graduate by 16 from highschool, college and marriage by 18. I had dreams. And somewhere through the teenage years they got lost. I dropped out of highschool. Failed college and end up pregnant 6 months before my 18th birthday. Not the way I planned it.
The next day I check my email and mom sent me a blog post by a blogger she follows on motherhood. As I read the post and heard my moms words, "you are not a failure Anna. Education was never my dream for you, I was okay with it but motherhood, that's lasting!" My understanding of a mother's love and the blessing it is, grew a little.
I've said it before but I'm going to say it again today. I am amazed at my mom's love for me and so thankful for her. Over this last 6 months especially when everything has been so rocky my mom has become my best friend. Something I never imagined she would be. I tell her things I don't tell my girls even. And in return she has shared with me and showed me her true self. Mom has never pretended to be someone who had it all together never made anyone feel like she's better than them.
Through the last six years of life I've done everything I possibly could have to hurt her and make her give up but even when I wore her so thin she came close she continued to love and pray for me. And though at times I wanted her out of my life I'm so thankful I have her still. The support she has been in my life is beyond amazing.
Thank you mom for choosing life. For choosing to be mom and be there for us kids for always having time and encouraging words and for reminding me often how rewarding and wonderful being a mom is!
Happy mothers day to you mom and to all the mother's out there past present expecting or those who never got to experience motherhood past pregnancy! You have the hardest and most wonderful job anyone could ever have.
