With Arms Wide Open

Feeding me, changing my diapers, waking up in the middle of the night to take care of me as a baby. With 6 other children I'm sure she was exhausted. Then a few short years later, everything a battle with me. A new baby to care for and my stubborn attitude. And through those years that I was growing and learning she encouraged my dreams understanding a childs need to imagine and their curiosity. Told us stories, spent hours reading to us and teaching us, sharing her passion for art and music, taught me to read and write, critiqued my work and encouraged every silly dream I had. She showed us through her example how to work hard and to love and accept people to give and be a good friend.
Too early the dark days hit and I began my trek to hell. I shut the world out including her. Every once in a while Id let her in but then Id close back up. And yet she was there for me, patient with me. Hardly 14 when I decided Id had enough and I left. It didnt last more than a few months but those were the months that I found my own wings, the freedom I had longed for. In those months away from home I started smoking aand drinking, I lost my virginity... All the things she was protecting me from and I thought I wanted.
Sneaking out, getting in trouble, I said terrible hateful things. I damn near got her to give up on me like I thought I wanted.
Didnt listen to the woman married for over 30 years when I got into my first relationship and thought I was in love. Nearly married the boy but she wouldnt give her blessing. Im lucky she didnt.
Ive left and come home like the prodigal son over and over and she's always welcomed me with open arms.
Ive failed Ive hurt her...purposefully sometimes. My life is a wreck. Im sure when they laid a pretty baby girl in her arms. When she looked into that tiny red face and chose to name her Anna Marie... Im sure she didnt expect me to turn out like this and yet she still loves me with unconditional love and she believes in me, believes that I can run even though right now I can hardly crawl. Shes listened to me hugged me cried with me been my friend bandaged my cuts, took care of me when Im sick and always had time. My mom is my hero and as terrified as I am of karma kicking my butt as a mom theres nothing I want more than to someday follow in her footsteps and raise and love my own child like she loves me.